Fantasy Rumble: Top 5 Fictional Fights I'd pay to see

Anyone who is a fan of fiction is sure to come across the "who would win a match up" scenario, and while it's a fun discussion, it's usually one that ends in bitter disagreement and heated arguments over who would win. I know mine have. That aside, let's take a look at some of the matchups that I wish would happen. Keep in mind, these are my opinions, again MY opinions, if you do not agree that's fine, you don't have to. Heck, feel free to even call me on it but still.

5. Azrael vs The Red Hood

Both are former protégés of Batman's,  and both disregard the rules. Azrael took over as Batman while Bruce Wayne was still in recovery after his first encounter with Bane. The Red Hood, or Jason Todd as he is also known, was the second Robin who is brash, arrogant and jumps into any situation without prior thought. He originally met his demise at the hands of the Joker, as I've discussed before, but was brought back 15 years later as the villain known as Red Hood. This one is interesting because of the shared history. Both are former allies that Batman thought he could trust, but both ended up going off the rails. Both are very well equipped with an arsenal of weapons and I would wager that both are pretty darn smart...so who would win?

Winner: Azrael- While Jason was smart and most certainly ruthless, he's no match for Azrael. He has less formal training, and why he is a prolific fighter, Azrael is decked out with a suit of armor that can pierce almost any defense. He defeated BANE single handedly if that is any indication. Also, both may be brash and hot headed, but Jason reaches that point faster than Azrael. Jason's weapon arsenal might be vast, but its no match for the likes of Azraels flame thrower, projectile batarangs, and even a searchlight capable of blinding his opponent. It may be close, but ol' Azbat has the drop on Jason.

4. Piccolo vs. The Martian Manhunter

The ultimate green supporting character throwdown!! To make it short, Piccolo used to be Goku's rival in the original Dragon Ball anime before becoming one of his strongest allies in Z. Martian Manhunter on the other hand, has a very similar story. Originally an outsider from Mars, he is found by the Justice League and shown to have incredible powers. He eventually becomes a member and one of the strongest assets. So who wins?

Winner: Piccolo- I can feel the hateful messages coming from this one already. Sure,  Martian Manhunter's moves are impressive and more than capable of wiping out any opponent if given the chance. Grant Morrisons JLA run even hinted that he might be more powerful than Superman at some point, as all of his powers have yet to be revealed. However, let's take into account the fact that Piccolo also has some tricks up his sleeve. First off it should be pretty evident that MM is stronger physically than Piccolo, granted Piccolo is probably faster. Both can stretch their limbs to unbelievable lengths, so it could be possible that this fight is going to have some distance to it. One of Martian Manhunter's biggest assets is the fact that he can completely tamper with someone's mind. However,  keep in mind that Piccolo is not one, but THREE people combined. He is himself, Nail, AND Kami. Piccolo's training is also insane. He, along with the other Z fighters, have possibly mastered most known martial arts. That being said, given his experience and his mental fortitude, Piccolo ultimately takes this fight, leaving the Manhunter in Mars' red dust.

3. Green Lantern (Kyle Rayner) vs. The Silver Surfer

Ohh. Tough one, honestly. I may not even come to a verdict on this one. One one hand, Kyle Rayner is the most powerful of the Lantern Corps, but....Silver Surfer....I'll come back to this one. I'm running out of time to do this thing.

2. Lobo vs. Wolverine

Again, I can hear the fanboy rage. Lobo is an interdimensional bounty hunter who has an affinity for space dolphins and Wolverine is a nigh indestructible X-Man with metal claws and a bad attitude. Both are known to be super strong, very gritty, and have a penchant for foul language. This fight won't finish easy, not even close.

Winner: Lobo- scream at me all you want, Lobo has this match hands down. Let me put it to ya this way, "bub": Wolverine may be nearly unkillable and yadda yadda yadda, but so is Lobo. Like any good anti-hero, the guy can take explosions, gun blasts, impalements, any of that. (Mostly in part because he was originally intended as a parody OF Wolverine). Lobo single-handedly destroyed planets, all before he ever came to Earth. And when he did? He easily held his own against Superman. Sorry, I don't care how strong your bones are, if the man youre facing is comperable in strength to Superman, you're toast. Sorry Wolvie.

1. He-Man vs. Superman

Ah yes, the match-up of all match-ups. Two of fictions most superpowered beings, duking it out, monumental blow after monumental blow. Superman, came to Earth, found by the Kents became a superhero, ungodly strong. Everyone knows that. He-Man, alter-ego of Prince Adam (of the House of Randor, mind you) protector of Eternia, ungodly strong. Pretty similar stories. The unintelligent answer would be Superman (not to say he WONT win, but to be fair he has been associated with being a completely OP and unfair character) but, what do I think??

Winner: He-Man- Oh yes, Prince Adam for the win. Why? Let's look at the facts. Firstly, watch the episode of Death Battle "He-Man vs. Lion-O". There you can get a good estimation of his strength (well into the million-fold). "But Superman can move planets!" I hear you whine. Keep in mind He-Man is entirely composed of magic, at his very core. Magic just so happens to be a weakness of Superman's. "Supermans faster than him!" I hear you whine. I have to agree AND disagree. DC has proven that Superman is faster once he has MOMENTUM. Sure, his regular movemens can be faster than a normal humans, but He-Man is no ordinary human. Superman has to build speed to become the lightyear traveling dingus he is. Meaning, his regular movements aren't nearly as fast. Is He-Man faster in a split-second?  Well, if Batman is faster than Superman in a split second (as proven be The Dark Knight Returns) then why not He-Man?  So we've already shown He-Man has the edge in speed and is at least on a level playing field in terms of power, so where does that leave us? With more proof. He-Man HAS officialy fought Supes before, in 1984. Look at that year. It's pre-Crisis on Infinite Earths (an event that toned Superman's powers down considerably). He's fighting Pre-Crisis Superman, or silver age Superman, who could blow away galaxies with a breath. Yeah. And he held his own, no problem. Sorry Supes, if Prince Adam can fend off Mega Ultra Super Omega Overpowered Superman, he should have no problem with the modern day one.

Into the Abyss: Top 10 Most Shocking Fictional Deaths (I never got over)

The deaths of our favorite fictional characters never come easy, but they hurt that much more when they are unexpected. So, I'll be discussing the top 10 character deaths in any medium of fiction that had me screaming up at the cloudy sky and breaking out my tub of ice cream.

10. Optimus Prime (1986)

While Optimus' final moments weren't entirely unexpected, it was his final speech to the other autobots and his battered condition that really struck a nerve. Here he was, a hero to children across the globe, broken and uttering his final words. Definitely a sincere moment, one of which I'm sure has stuck with many people to this day.

9. Zero (2001)

Yeah yeah, he's been revived more times than Batman, but Zero's death in Mega Man X5 is especially resonating. After an intense battle with series antagonist Sigma, Zero meets his fate, but not before reflecting on his life with his best friend X. The thought of the duo of the X series being torn apart indefinitey was hard to bear. Having to look at the mangled mess of his wires and inner components was especially gut-wrenching.

8. Brockenman (1983)

Known to anime fans as the infamous "camel clutch" match, wrestler Brockenman, Nazi and father of Brocken Jr., was unexpectedly torn completely in HALF by Ramenman. It started as camel clutch, a wrestling move that involves simply pulling your opponent backward by his chin. This went unexpectedly south when Brockenman was seperated from his lower half, without a doubt the most violent scene in the entire manga.

7. The Ninja Turtles (2003)

Now, I know the picture is NOT from the cartoon im about to mention, and I know it was merely a "what if" scenario, but still. In the episode, Donatello wakes up to find himself in an alternate dimension, where Shredder rules the world, all hope was lost, and the turtles hadn't spoken in years. Donny manages to help them team up again and take down both Shredder and his daughter Karai, but not before the turtles (minus Donny) met their fate. To watch that, brothers falling before one another, is truly heart-wrenching. There's even a scene where Raph is enraged over Leo's death.

6. The Joker (1999)

I love the Joker to death (pun totally intended), but c'mon. As shocking as it was you can't say he didn't deserve it. Especially when you consider the events leading up to his death. He kidnaps Robin, breaks him mentally and turns him into a "Joker Jr." After facing an infuriated Batman, this scene actually has an edited and unedited ending. Both end with Robin killing Joker, but the unedited version involves him recieving a rod through the chest via bang gun, while the edited (and more violent version, in my book) features him drenched in water, slipping on cords and live-wiring. Ouch.

5. The Champ (1979)

Okay, no more. I'll make this quick. The Champ is a heartwarming story about a boxer and he dies at the movies end and the kid cries like I'm about to, pleading, "Get up, champ! You gotta get up!" Make it stop.

4. Mufasa (1994)

Another iconic scene from a great movie. The scene in which Simbas father dies is already chaotic, with Simba roaming amongst the wild, snarling masses, afraid and searching for his father, who at this point is dangling precariously from a cliff. What makes this so shocking is double-fold: Scar playing a hand in his death (Long live the king!) and Simba finding his father's body, and coming to the realization that he is dead, and he now must fend for himself.

3. Goku (1992)

This is technically the 2nd of Gokus many deaths, but its shocking in its own right. After Cell is kicked so hard in the stomach that he regurgitates Android 18 (and by extension reverts back to his Semi-Perfect form), he decided the only way out is suicide, so he begins to implode himself. Goku, thinking fast, suddenly grabs Cell and uses Instant Transmission to transport Cell to King Kais planet. There, Cell implodes, taking Goku, King Kai, Bubbles and Gregory with him.

2. Kung Lao (2011)

This scene is from the most recent Mortal Kombat game. During this alternate retelling of the series canon, underestimated underdog Kung Lao gets his chance in the spotlight when he, in front of a crowd of thousands, single-handedly defeats all of Shao Khan's minions. During his short-lived celebration, the Emperor himself cuts it short, sneaking up behind the monk and breaking his neck, in front of his allies no less. The fact that Kung Lao, who waited so long to be able to prove himself to his friends and family, had it brutally cut short by the hands of evil incarnate, is something that had me breathless.

1. Jason Todd (1988)

Perhaps the most infamous comic death of all time, Jason Todd was the second Robin and succesor to Dick Grayson, introduced a mere 6 years before his death in 1988. Initially a well liked character, the 1985 company-wide reboot "Crisis on Infinite Earths" turned him into a snotty, short-sighted brat with anger issues, who often broke the rules and disrespected Batman's authority. He was so disliked, DC comics gave the fans a chance to determine his fate, colesseum style. By a mere 28 votes, Jason Todd was brutally victimized by The Joker (via recieving end of a crowbar) before finally dying when Joker blew up the building he was in, all before Batman could arrive. Todds death gained national attention, and became an event both Batman and his fans would never forget.

New Versions of Old Things: MK Legacy

Short post today, really busy. But we'll take a quick look at yet another Mortal Kombat "reboot", this time in the form of Mortal Kombat Legacy" season 2. Scorpion and Sub-Zero,  to be exact.

These two fought before, in season 1, as pictured above. In case you aren't aware, these two are the most heated of rivals and the poster boys of Mortal Kombat. Back in the heyday of the arcade games, you were weird if you DIDNT pick one of these two, and fans are fiercely divided over who is superior (Sub-Zero, in case you were wondering.) However, what all did this gritty reboot do for these rival ninjas? And possibly G.I. Joe stand-ins?


The right: Unlike other iterations, in Legacy they oh so rightfully chose to make them buddies before they became bitter enemies. They spun a tale of friendship, brotherhood, and understanding, followed by a misunderstanding, deciet, lies, and hatred. It was a story you so wanted to end on a good note, but turned south. It portrayed Scorpion as a wronged man, betrayed by Sub-Zero by having his entire clan (and himself) murdered. It showed Sub-Zero as a sympathetic character, wrongfully accused of murder and heart broken that his former comrade has lost his trust. An operatic tale, and one could compare Scoprion to the likes of Othello.

The wrong: *WARNING: SPOILERS* They killed Sub-Zero. The narrative is now rendered unusable. Why? Because Sub-Zero ISNT supposed to die. Well, yes and no. He dies in series canon, but his brother assumes the role immediately afterward. But in Legacy his brother is dead too. So there is no Sub-Zero. WHAT, WHY?!? Its integral to Mortal Kombat to have him, that's like permanently getting rid of Batman. You just can't do that and expect people to still follow, just like you can't expect any comic company to have continued readership when a power player is killed off. It was stupid. They have gained the ire of the fans. On top of that, costume choices weren't that great this time around (Sub-Zero looks like he's wearing a motocross outfit for God's sake) and Scorpions mask just doesn't quite work well with the costume.

Overall- C+ (As in, "Can you believe they thought people would still like it after that??")

Episode Etiquette: BTAS- Bane

Here we'll be talking about one of my favorite episodes of the seminal Batman: The Animated Series, "Bane". I'll give a quick description and break the episode into segments, so with that let's jump right in.

This episode, dating back to 1994, was one of the lesser known ones but featured a very interesting character, Bane. (Hey, not quite "Heart of Ice" material but he did get his own figure). The producers themselves weren't too fond of Bane as a character, however, and only dedicated one episode to him, unlike Joker, who appeared in nearly every other episode. Nevertheless, this episodes animation is spot-on and well written.

The episode consists of Rupert Thorne, sleazy crime boss, hiring Bane to rid Thorne of Batman forever, feeling Banes superior strength and near equal intellect were more than a match for the Dark Knight. This version of Bane, while entertaining, differs from his comic book counterpart. Rather than an assassin, Bane of the comics was simply an escapee from a ruthless Santa Priscan prison, who's life was dedicated to destroying Batman (which he almost did, as he broke Batman's spine). This Bane is slightly more tame, but after his escape from prison, he went into business as a freelance assassin. He must be a good one at that, as it's specifically mentioned in the episode that his price per job is Fifty. Million. Dollars. Woah.

Bane tracks Batman and Robin through Killer Croc, and as a sign of sheer manliness trashes the batmobile. Batman corners Banes "girlfriend" Candice, where he questions her on Banes whereabouts. She plays coy, until Batman finds that Bane has kidnapped Robin, and plans on fighting Batman to the death at the wharf. Batman arrives to find that Robin, like a stupid idiot, is chained up, about to drown. Before he can rescue his compadre, Bane challenges Batman, and the fight begins.

Bane easily overpowers Batman, until Batman knocks him into the water. Robin, who always gets the easy way out, has a hard time struggling with Candice. Candice escapes, and Batman manages to free Robin. Robin makes it most of the way up the ladder only to be easily nudged back down by a freshly angered Bane. The fight continues, with Batman thinking a little smarter, even using hurricanranas (a wrestling move, in homage to Banes Lucha Libre appearance). However, Bane still knocks him around, and lifts Batman over his head, mirroring the comic, when the very same move nearly crippled Batman. This is a kid's show, after all, so Batman gets the upper hand on Bane by breaking the device that feeds him his super steroid (Venom, as it's known), winning the match.

Batman takes a beaten Bane back to Thorne, rats Candice out, and the episode ends. I only hope we're left to assume Robin lives. Maybe. Overall, really good episode and pays wonderful homage to the comic from which it draws it's source material. The animation is fluid, Banes voice actor is wonderful and its a nice little narrative. I remember, seeing it for the first time in a doctors office lobby, and being completely blown away. If you're a fan of Bane or just Batman in general, do yourself a favor and watch.

Toy Examination: They DID this??

Hello again lovelies, welcome back. This post will only cover one toy, but my is it worth it. So sit back, relax and adjust your spectacles, we're going on a magical mystery, one of rushed products and botched film ideas!

There's something about this product that should set off a bit of a red flag. What's that you say? No, say it louder! Thats exactly right! Robin WASN'T in Batman Returns.  Nor was his ridiculously oversized grapple launcher. What you're looking at is allegedly a screw-up of legendary proportions.

Legend has it that Kenner caught wind of Robin potentially being in Batman Returns, and that the studio had brought in Marlon Wayans (half of the duo behind Major Payne, Scary Movie) to portray him. Kenner jumped the gun, wanting to capitalize on it. However, they did not have any design sketches of the character, unlike Batman, Catwoman and Penguin. So, they simply borrowed Robin's look from the comics. Here's where the urban legend gets a little....extreme. Batman Returns comes to theaters before the toy hits the shelves. Robin was nowhere to be seen, yet Kenner still had oh so many Robin figures somewhat bearing Marlon Wayans likeness! What were they to do? Oh, right. Hastily change Robin's skin color to represent the comic version better and slap an accessory with him. Ouch. Now, this story has yet to be confirmed, but to lend credence to the tale Robin does appear to have a bit of a "box" haircut (as was popular in the 90s) but other than that there's no way to prove it. The story does, however, get a little bit more ridiculous. As in, Kenner didn't stop.

Jet....Foil...they, the toy company who so wrongly assumed this character would be in the movie to begin with...give him a vehicle??? *sigh* oh well. Once the damage is done I suppose following through is the best option. Still, they couldn't have made up a better name than Jet Foil? What does that even mean? I know I've been harsh on this figure and his multitude of accessories but to be fair its actually a really well made toy, and a pretty well painted one at that, screw up or not. Although its totally out of place in this line, I'd definitely recommend trying to track Robin down. Jet Foil is at your own risk.

Retrograde Rewind: Smart Talk With Raisin

Surprise! I lied. One more post.  However, I won't be talking about an action figure. Or anything Batman, really. Instead I'll be talking about a short film I recently saw from all the way back from 1994. This film, of course, is "Smart Talk With Raisin."

"Smart Talk With Raisin" was a small animated short directed and produced by none other than John R. Dilworth,  the man behind the ever popular Courage the Cowardly Dog. It, along with several other animated shorts before and after it, premiered on January 30th 1994 on Liquid MTV. And my, does it have Mr. Dilworth written all over it.

In true style, it's weird, its surreal, off the wall, and definitely full of reminiscent visuals, if you have seen Courage. The plot focuses on a young girl, Raisin, and her delinquent brother, Malcolm,  watching their dog Hamilton (who is seemingly a precursor to Courage) perform a magic show. While Raisin is a supporter of Hamiltons magic show, (which, he has up to this point yet to perform), her brother Malcolm is a naysayer to the nth degree. Throughout the film, he continually discourages Hamilton, claiming he is not fit to be a magician, that he should just give it up. After Malcolm catches the recieving end of corporal punishment by his mother (for selling coupons at school), Raisin continues to support her dog as he finally performs his magic trick.

This, to me, is brilliant. Placing surrealism aside, I feel it's a basic example of a very clear message. No extra depth, just a cut and dry message. Don't let others get you down, regardless of the circumstances, for they are fearful of their own shortcomings. Malcolm obviously serves as "the negative influence" while Raisin served as well, really, the courage for her dog and his sense of self worth. Yeah, as weird as it is, it sets a very clear precident, and is John R. Dilworth simply saying, "hey, I wont stop from trying to reach my goal". Deep meaning aside, the film is also rather humorous, including some residuals present in Courage, such as bug eyes, crooked teeth and outright silly facial expressions. My theory? Raisin is the daughter of a young Muriel and Eustace.

Toy Examination: Top of the Class

I'll be covering 3 figures in this post!! And oh, these are all real winners. Just in case you still had faith in this line.

All hail Bruce Wayne's Custom Coupe! The most incredibly bland toy you'll ever recieve, second only to April O'Neils boss! Yes, in case you ever want to stop your crime fighting ways and live out the rest of your days driving your Coupe, this is the right toy for you. On one hand, I can understand "I was driving one day when suddenly Catwoman attacked, so I needed to get into the batsuit!". What I can't understand is the switch-immediately-to-batmobile feature. Bruce Wayne, who will go to great lengths to keep his double identity a secret, had a lapse in reason one day and decided that totally decking out his car with Batman-esque everything, and then deploying said feature on a busy highway with plenty of witnesses was the best idea he ever had in his entire life. "Is that Batman in Bruce Wayne's car?".

Penguin. Commandos. PENGUIN. COMMANDOS. Yknow, the one aspect of Batman Returns that nobody was really fond of? It's a toy. One that comes with mind control gear! (The package actually says that). Of all Batman Returns toys you would ever hope to get as a child, Penguin Commandos is not it. It's the exact opposite. I collect Batman figures and I don't even really want this one. If there's one redeeming quality of this toy it's once again the art on the box card. Check out that penguin. "Hail Cobblepot!"

Rather than an actual character, let's make them feel more like Batman with an accessory!  Like...yknow, Batman's....Spiral Shooter...? Out of every gadget Batmans ever carried his most famous just HAS to be the fabled spiral shooter. A classic if there ever was one. I don't know of any instance where Batman has needed or wanted to shoot a spiral at anything. Ever. Of course, the plastic ring around the "spiral" itself is for the safety of the kiddos, but...why have Batman use it in the box card art? "The Joker can't STAND plastic rings!"

Toy Examination: Power to the Player

You know what? Screw routine! I think I'll post as frequently as it holds my interest. So who's next? "We Put Random Junk In A Package" Batman? Yeah, pretty much.

Powerwing Batman. To be fair, this one does have a unique (for the moment) accessory, albiet a useless one. As the beautiful box card art shows us, Batman is intended to slide his little feet into a holder of sorts and powerwing his little heart out. There is a slighr problem with this. Batmans stance is only so wide, and certainly not enough to fit in with what the package describes. But hey! That's what happens when you repaint the same Batman mold and and bill it as a "new toy" over and over and over. Oh well, what can I expect.

Ye Who Enter Here...

Right, well. Considering this is my first post in a sea of never-ending blogs, I can't promise groundbreaking material, but I do hope to strike someones fancy, rather than post random information into the void of the internet. So, first things first, the first topic I'll be discussing (and one I'll be at for a while) is the wondrous Batman Returns toy line of days gone by. (You'll come to find that Batman is something of an obsession of mine). So, let's get started, shall we?

Short introductory paragraph! All throughout the 1990's toy company Kenner produced some of the best (and worst) Batman toys out there, with their motto being, "the more Batman the better". We'll be looking at some of the best...and worst.

First up on the chopping block (for today's post, anyway) is Thunderwhip Batman. Sassy. Kind of an unfitting name for such a dull figure. It's just a generic Batman toy with a couple of purple accessories. And how exactly does it pertain to "thunder" or "whips" for that matter? It's a giant batarang on the end of a stick and a....ninja...star? Not a terribly exciting figure and not Kenners most creative. This will become a trend. I also like how the action feature is touted as, "Turbo Weapon Spinning Arm". Someone please make that an actual move.